I love Facebook. Absolutely, totally love it.
It's brilliant for keeping in touch with friends and family, as well as for meeting new people with shared interests.
But you know what else I love about it?
Facebook W@nkers.
Like er...like this fellow for example:
I don't read um...yes...whatever it is, so let's call him Dick, shall we?
Dick was kind enough to message me completely out of the blue one morning.
And so, being a congenial sort, I did reply:
Asked Dick, later that day.
I replied, once I'd finished The Times crossword.
Dick went a bit quiet. I thought perhaps he was busy with his studies at Lakshmipur Polytechnic Institute, my guess is that he was hard at it studying the many and varied applications of onanism in the marketplace.
Anyhow, when he was done, he was back:
Clearly Dick was now a man in love with a pseudo docker from the East End of London. Who was I to put him right?
Dick?
Are you there Dick?
Hello?
You haven't actually phoned HM Revenue and Customs at Heathrow Terminal 5, have you?
Oh Dick.
You silly, silly sausage....